Excerpts from Profet’s Cookbook, part XX: Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza

A Celebration of Vegan Pizza Day

Profet's Chief Ideologue Filip Lindström celebrates Vegan Pizza Day, January 29, with two different variations of Profet's Vicious Vegan Pizza, an ode to simplicity and purity.

Ingredients (for only one ‘za):

5 ripe Tomatoes
1 piece of Garlic
1 pot of Fresh Basil
1 Shallot
Black Pepper
Olive oil

2 decilitres of Wheat Flour
1 ½ teaspoons of Baking Powder
1 ½ table spoons of Olive Oil

Variations of complements:

Sun Dried Tomatoes
Green Olives
Fresh Basil
Portabello Mushroom

Brussel Sprouts
Roasted Almonds

Vegan pizza has gone from being a rarely seen luxury item to being a platform for extensive culinary experimentation. Now it even has its own day. Pizza over all is so versatile that two separate pies can be completely different dishes, especially comparing the ones you get in Stockholm’s suburbs to the »artisan« pizzas that grow more in popularity each day. Some hipster pizzerias have gone so far with what they put on their slices that the concept of the dish has changed in its core.
        I personally am a fiend for the classic pizza tastes, if only they didn’t feature humungous amounts of cheese and other murderous products. Usually when it comes to vegan pizza, the same quantity of vegan cheese is used, which gives the meal a chemical character that I certainly can live without. This is why neither of the two presented variations of Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza contain any vegan cheese, because you don’t need imitation to achieve greatness. If the hipster revolution has taught us something, it should be just that.
        Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza may be simple in comparison to the spearheads of the »artisan« movement, but simplicity is suitable for pizza. More isn’t more in this case, no matter whatever Yngwie Malmsteen might say about the matter. With this section of »Excerpts from Profet’s Cook Book« I sincerely wish you all a happy Vegan Pizza Day, and hope for the revolution to never end.


Start with the dough, by simply mixing the flour, salt and baking powder in the biggest bowl you’ve got. Add the oil, and some cold water (one decilitre will suffice for one pizza). Work the content of the bowl to a dough, using more flour if necessary. Let it rest for a few minutes, while pre-heating the oven at 225 degrees, then form the dough into thin pizza bottoms.
        When making tomato sauce for a portion of steaming spaghetti, or a lasagne, Yngwie Malmsteen’s premise of »more is more« is correct. It is almost impossible to fail a tomato sauce, no matter what you put in it. But, as mentioned above, pizza should be about simplicity, and mastering the simple tasks. Therefore, the tomato sauce used for Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza consists of only seven ingredients, cooked to extreme perfection.
        First, wash and cut your tomatoes into small pieces (don’t worry your pretty little head if you’re unable to get the pieces small enough for your liking, they’ll be turned to mush before you know it). Chuck them persistently into a frying pan and bury them in olive oil. Do the same with fine chopped shallots.
        Cut the garlic with a razor, like Paulie did in the prison scene in »Goodfellas«, so it almost melts when contacted by any form of heat. Let the (almost invisible) slices join your tomatoes in the pan. Fire it up, and let the garlic and tomatoes meet their maker, conjoined in their end of days. When the tomatoes have lost all resemblance with their past selves, add plenty (by plenty, I mean plenty) of salt and black pepper. »Why so much salt?« you wonder. Well, that’s because a »regular« pizza – with murder on it – gains its saltiness much thanks to the non-vegan cheese. To make up for the lack of this unrighteous ingredient, we add more salt than necessary in our tomato sauce.
        After tasting the sauce, and perhaps adding more salt if needed, you remove the pan from the stove and let it cool down for a second. Chop up the fresh basil and add it to the cooled sauce, then mix it with a stick blender. Smear a generous amount of the finished sauce onto the pizza bottom, and of course leave a little crust. Bake, with toppings, for 10 to 15 minutes.

Two variations of Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza:

1. Sun Dried Tomatoes, Green Olives, Fresh Basil, Artichoke and Portabello Mushroom. Most ‘zas featuring artichoke only have half a heart of this delicious vegetable, whereas this first variation of Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza is completely covered in it. Take a jarful of marinated artichoke hearts, or unmarinated if you prefer to spice them yourself, and slice them up neatly. Also cut up sun dried tomatoes and green olives, preferably without olive stones, and sprinkle over the artichoke. Finish off by adding quite thick pieces of portabello mushroom, before putting the pizza in the oven. Garnish with fresh basil leaves after taking it out.

2. Brussel Sprouts, Capers, Chives, Roasted Almonds and Lemon. The second variation of Profet’s Vicious Vegan Pizza requires a bit more time and effort than the first one. First, you need to roast a handful of almonds in a pan, then crush or chop them to bits. The Brussel sprouts may not be cooked properly during the 15 minutes in the oven, so slice them and fry them in olive oil for a few minutes before spreading them over the pizza. Use enough sprouts to fill the entire surface, then top with your crushed almonds. Garnish with chopped chives after baking, and squeeze a lemon over your slice before eating it.

Previous Excerpts from Profet's Cookbook (mostly in Swedish):
Del I: Profets Risnudelsoppa med ingefära, vitkål och sesampanerad tofu
Del II: Profets Väldiga Veganlasagne
Del III: Profets Viktiga Vegansemla
Del IV: Profets Bastanta Bananbröd
Del V: Profets Livgivande Linsgryta
Del VI: Profets Bönbesvarande Bönfärslimpa
Del VII: Profets Potenta Pakora Med Svenne-Daal och (ett försök till) Plommonchutney
Del VIII: Profets Sävliga Svenne-Tacos Med Profets Virila Veganfärs och Profets Galanta Guacamole
Del IX: Profets Magnifika Midsommarmeny
Del X: Profets Närande Nödlösning
Del XI: Profets Prominenta/Presentabla Pasta Primavera med Profets Tumultartade Tomatsallad
Del XII: Profets Tafatta Tapas
Del XIII: Profets Saliga Såssamling, vol. I
Del XIV: Profets Veritabla Veganomelett
Del XV: Profets Verkliga Veganrisotto
Del XVI: Profets Taniga Tomattartar
Del XVII: Profets Performativa Pekingsvamp
Del XVIII: Profets Krävande Kräftkalas
Part XIX: Profet’s Ecstatic Eggplant Loin with Profet’s Raving Root Mash and vegan mustard butter

January 29 2018